22 November 2011

bon hiver

I'm sick and studying for finals, not a great way to be spending my Thanksgiving Break. There are so many great things that have been happening for me lately. I leave for Rome in two months from today. I don't know what that looks like. I'm not scared, but I'm anxious, and I'm thinking about all the implications of being away from home for 4 months. I'll have great friends in Europe, some in Spain, others scattered throughout England, Italy and France. How cool is that? Every weekend, I have the freedom to hope on a train and be in a beautiful place. But in America, life will go on. My friends will be continuing their lives, without me. My family will have dinner parties and long for my attendance and sometimes, I'll probably wish I was there, as well. 

The Holidays are suppose to be the "most wonderful time of the year" and I think they are. There's a lot of Joy and Love in the air, and a lot of Hope in people's hearts about what the future may bring. And there's a lot of pressure. What food to be served at Thanksgiving? What do we buy (insert crazy family member here) for Christmas? It can turn into drama, drama, drama. Yet, somehow the question drilling in the back of my head is "Why aren't they here?" 

It's tough being from a blended family and a family who has dealt with some serious loss over the last few years. The holidays have the ability to rip open that gaping hole left in someone's absence. Sometimes I understand why Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon packed up and headed to the tropics for Christmas. Is that terrible? 

My favorite Christmas song is "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". It's simple, quiet, unassuming, realistic. We all will be together, if the fates allow. I'm just living in such a time of transition. I feel like big things are happening for me. I don't want to dwell on the negative, and instead, I want to simply appreciate the things that are right in front of me without the longing of more, more, more. 

Let's see where this road leads. 

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